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lost soul.

i know that it is not your fault that you can’t come find me now,

when i am so distressed.

i never told you to come, i never asked because i am not going to repeat my mistakes.

i am a strong girl, proud at times, because I don’t want to be looked at as the desperate girl who needs you.

because i don’t need you, i want you.

it has not come to that stage yet.

should i stop it before i fall in deeper? are you really the right guy for me?

i remember what jasper told me today,

every word seem to have an effect on me,

good or bad.

i found out somethings that i dreaded to find out, you know how when you don’t want to know something, but at the same time you do?

regardless, the past should remain in the past,

it is not like my past is anything better.

but hey, at least i am not secretive about it.

i have a feeling that if we both put in efforts,

which i believe we both do at the moment….

this could be something beautiful.

i don’t even care about status,

about what your friends think.

because they judge me before they even know me,

im sorry, i have been through alot and they are not the kind of people i want or need to impress.

it only matters what MY friends think of me, because they were by my side even when i was the worst friend anyone could ask for.

maybe, because they understand.

but i can’t be biased about this because i know what they are thinking,

i can stand in their shoes and try to feel how they feel.

but why cant they stand in my shoes for once?

i really like you, i really do.

i’d give you the moon if i could,

you really are something different.

but what if you turn out to be just like the rest of them?

i heard once that good men are like LIMITED EDITIONS.

those are rare, are you one of those?

because of your secrecy,

i feel insecure, but not to the extend where i would break down,

just gets me thinking about what really went on between you and her- S.

it’s 3 am soon.

well it’s 2.52am and i told myself i’d stop waiting for your call or reply by 3, which is in about 8 minutes as i type.

and go to bed, uni starts tomorrow and i am indeed dreading in.

will WE really work?

have i really learn from my experiences? do i know what i am doing?

is this the right step to take?

i do not know. and no one can give me answers.

but that’s okay.

because that’s life.